As my foot left the solid security of one rock, it set foot
on another. The other foot followed, landing me squarely on top of a large
rectangular boulder. Then the rock moved.
The rock always moves. It seems as though every time I walk
around the point in my cove in Owls Head, when I come upon this series of rocks
strewn about the beach, I always seem to find this particular rock. I step on
it. It moves. I suddenly remember that it moves. Then I forget, at least until
next time.
As I continued my walk around the point, I noticed similar
occurrences. This rock and that rock were familiar. It didn’t take me long to
realize that many of these granite rocks large and small are the same ones I
step upon whenever I take this walk around the point.
Sometimes, it is the easiest way to navigate my way around
the rock bound shoreline. But sometimes I wander aimlessly, with another blog, a chapter of my
book or solving life’s challenges stirring in my mind, yet I always seem to go
the same way and step upon many of the same rocks, most of which don’t move.
This made me think about what a creature of habit I truly
am. I certainly could have admitted to that before my recent jaunt along the
Maine coast. I’m very much a creature of habit. I do things the same way all
the time, either because they’re the right way (at least in my mind) or it is the way I’m
comfortable. The former is certainly acceptable but the latter is not. I want
to do things the right way but I don’t want to do things just because I’m
comfortable. People can do the same thing over and over again for years and
never really gain anything.
That’s not how I want to be. Of course, that’s exactly what
I have been at times in my life. It reminds me of a sports psychology class I sat
in once. The prof used a clock to demonstrate how one either progresses or
sticks themselves in a rut.
You set your goal (whatever that thing is that makes you
happy) for straight up 12. Then the clock ticks. You hit an obstacle at 3.
Maybe you’re stuck there because you can’t get past that hurdle. The clock
reverts back and you begin again but never get past that stumbling block at 3. I know many people like that. They’ve faced
that challenge and never overcome it. They’ve been stuck at 3 ever since. Some
get past that hurdle but hit another barrier at 6. Then maybe they get snagged
at 9. I’d say I might be somewhere between 6 and 9 right now. Hopefully, if I
get over the next hurdle, I’m home free.
Life is a constant progression, a moving forward. But it is
often too easy to get stuck in one place. We get accustomed to doing the same
thing and never learning, never growing and never making progress. Some of my
greatest moments in life have come after the hardest of times. I wouldn’t want
to live those moments over again, but I’m better for that challenge and
learning from them.
My knee injury gave me a determination and mission that made me stronger as well as
healthier. My father’s death and speaking at his memorial service gave me
confidence and a fearlessness about myself.
But I don’t want life’s hardships to make me better. A
doctor’s bill and physical therapy shouldn’t be what moves me out of my rut. As
I was told recently, pain shouldn’t be the pathway to my heart – but it often
is. I want to learn and grow no matter what. It is what I think we all should aspire toward.
My father was like that. It was my brother’s own speech at
his service that helped me see that. My father always strove to learn more and
educate himself and build his knowledge, whether it was through reading or
studying or watching the history channel. He never stopped feeding his mind and
subsequently fueling his heart and soul.
My grandfather was somewhat similar. I realized recently
that I’m about the same age now as he was when his second wife (my grandmother)
died from tuberculosis. My Dad was just 10 at the time. My grandfather dealt
with that loss and was always an example of devotion to his boys and a faithful
servant to his God, despite the losses of his life.
Another person I admire and have learned from is George Harrison.
He’s my favorite Beatle, because he’s the soul of that band. He was a balance
of Paul’s sappy love songs and John’s edgy rebellion. The person it seemed that
both Paul and John stroved to be was somebody like George. And it didn’t take
him long to realize that life was far more than just the fame, success and
money that came with being a Beatle. George devoted his life to
seek a higher calling and live a deeper meaning.
That’s what I want in my life. I want to keep that search
going and continue learning and growing into the person I am meant to be.
I met a man who was a professor of the Gaelic language last
fall. When I introduced myself, he raved about my name and how Kevin in Gaelic
means something blessed and special. I can’t remember his exact words but the
name itself spoke to a higher calling. When he left, the last thing he said to
me was to "live up" to my name. Those words have stuck with me ever since.
My goals in life haven’t changed much. I want a job that
makes me happy and makes a difference. I want to find a love of my life to
share everything with, unconditional and devoted. I want to make a difference. I want to be
happy. I want to live righteously with
honesty and integrity. I want to think deeper and love stronger and live
larger.
I know how hard all that can be. I’ve failed at it at times
in my life. I’ve given up on some of it at times in my life. But I’ve kept
striving and kept learning and kept trying to understand what it takes to get
where I want to go. Sometimes I’ve needed a push.
I recently read a sermon by Harvard’s Peter Gomes. He talked
about farmers preparing for the unknown and living their faith. They work
diligently on the things that they need to do around their farm, doing so
amidst the faith and trust that their due diligence will be rewarded in their
harvest.
It’s kind of like basketball games being won in practice
beforehand. It is the hard work and lessons learned in those moments of
preparation that bring out the best in the results.
Now I don’t know exactly what life has in store for me.
Frankly, that drives me crazy. I’m a bit of a plotter and planner. I hate not
knowing. It feeds my fear and tries my
patience. But I also know that God isn’t done with me yet. If I do the work, God has a plan and a reward
for me. That’s the agreement we have. I’m just trying to live up to my end.
So I move forward. I cultivate like the farmer. I try to
seek new paths. I hope to learn new lessons. I hope to grow and find the
purpose fitting of my name. And someday, I just might land on a rock that
doesn’t move.
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